It turns out that Facebook when you get engaged is even better. I forget sometimes that birthdays, to the average person, aren't the momentous, one-month-long extravaganzas that I make them - but that an engagement, well, that's kind of a big deal to most. Anyway, due to such great public interest, I thought I might as well write about it, as my blogging has been slacking off lately anyway.
The (Long) Preface
I would like to preface by saying that for the last six months or so, I have been kind of crazy about getting engaged. My friends - intimately aware of my premarital psychosis - suggested I blog about that, since my stories of maybe-I'll-get-engaged-tonight disasters are pretty funny. But, even I have some sense of propriety, and it felt pretty tacky (and a little bit like inviting bad luck)... or maybe even a wee-tad-bit desperada (translation: Lori Spanglish for desperate woman) to speak so openly about my anxiety over getting engaged. The truth is, I reminded myself very much of a hypothetical girl I used to loathe. In fact, I even once blogged about her...
In one of my old blogs, I wrote, in part, about engagement:
None of this is to say that I am anti-marriage -- some day, I may overcome my issues, and at some point, some man may accept all of my... issues. And it will be very, very beautiful. But I do think that maybe women should examine the surprise proposal concept. For the woman -- it gives the man all of the control over the relationship in a way that drives you absolutely INSANE... and for the men -- they are left wondering, when to do it, if to do it, where to do it, what ring to buy -- I mean the whole thing happens to be very stressful for them, too.
It seems to me that there is something simply beautiful about two people in love, deciding, together, that they would like to commit their lives to one another. No surprises, no guessing, no games -- just a little bit of old-fashioned, mature decision-making. But... you can still get the ring... together.
In some ways, it is sweet to read that now, as it was about four months before I met Ben (you really never know what will happen, huh?), and in other ways embarrassing how much I thought I knew about something I really knew very little about (story of my life). But, most interestingly, I was right on about some of it...
Anyway, the long and the short of it all is that I have been an anxiety-ridden fool waiting for that ring. I'm not proud of it - wasn't then, am not now - but it is the truth. Ben and I had a little bit of a mutual timeline on things, time was ticking, I had picked out the ring, and it was going to be pret-ty difficult to surprise me at this point.
But he did.
The Story
As previously discussed, I am notorious for over-celebrating my birthday (I guess that's a thing), and so, appropriately, I was preparing last Thursday night for what was probably my fourth (and final) birthday celebration. Ben chose a restaurant for his birthday dinner in Tampa this year which made me feel justified picking one in Miami. We had just been to Miami in November for my friend Lauren's wedding and it made me want to return with Ben when I had time to show him around my old city.
So, we were going to stay with that same friend, Lauren, and her now-husband Vincent, in their home in Coconut Grove. I had a trial competition with my high school kids on Friday and we were going to leave right after that.
Meanwhile, Ben is trying to contact Lauren, to let her in on the surprise and to solicit her help. He didn't have her phone number so he looked her up on the Florida Bar website and cold-called her at work. He also tried calling my mom and dad and couldn't reach them all afternoon. Ben and Lauren spent some time that afternoon scheming.
Hours later, we are on our way to Miami, we arrive, we have champagne on Lauren and Vince's backyard terrace. It was lovely and warm and I was so glad to be there. Ben disappeared to get his wallet from his car before dinner, and was gone like fifteen minutes. I went outside to check on him but he shooed me away - he was on the phone with his dad.
Ben was not on the phone with his dad. He was on the phone with my mom, whom he was finally able to reach, to let her in on the plan. He told her it would be the next day. I'm not sure of this part, but I'm guessing she almost exploded.
That night was nice - we went to dinner at a restaurant I had never been to in the Grove, sat outside, and had yummy appetizers and drinks. Then we followed up with a few glasses of wine at a wine bar. We all had headaches in the morning. The next day we went to the beach and had a beach day. I also used my leverage in Lauren and Vince to force Ben to come shopping with me on South Beach, as I was not happy with my outfit choice for the evening. In retrospect, it is a very, very good thing I bought a new dress because there were a lot of photos taken and the expense became retroactively justified.
As Lauren and Ben were helping me pick out a dress, they knew that I was picking out my engagement dress. Meanwhile, Ben had originally told our families he was proposing during the day, so they were all, in fact, at this moment, exploding.
When we got home from the beach day, all I wanted to do was nap. I was exhausted. South Beach will do that to you. Ben was super antsy, telling me I couldn't nap, reminding me how long it takes me to shower, prodding me to get started - just generally being annoying about scheduling. This was not suspicious. This was typical. Eventually I started getting ready. At some point, Ben came to get "approval" for his South Beach outfit. He knew I wanted him to wear a blazer (due to some pretty serious, yet justified, South Beach social anxiety), and he wasn't wearing one, but I didn't say anything.
It turns out the blazer was an integral part of the plan - and home of the ring. He was worried I would tell him I didn't like it or something, so he was being delicate about wardrobe. When I finally came downstairs, he did have the blazer on - which looked nice - and Lauren and Vince overzealously displayed their approval of the jacket.
It turned out that I was proving Ben right and it was, in fact, taking me too long to get ready. I was only about 50% done with my hair (that Miami humidity wasn't doing me any favors) and I could hear everyone's footsteps downstairs. We were planning on having a glass of wine outside before dinner so I felt rushed to get down there and be a part of it. I changed game plans, put the hair up, and started rushing. Ben came in and told me I looked beautiful. I felt better about the hair and gave up. I went downstairs and Lauren and Vince were pouring me a glass of wine and we went outside. Ben went upstairs to change his belt and shoes because I pointed out they didn't match.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist from your vantage point to know what he was really doing now. I, of course, had no idea.
Let me re-preface by saying I genuinely did not expect a proposal this weekend. Although I had been on the lookout for months, I did not think anything would happen during a "special" weekend, or here with my friends that Ben barely knew, in a city he wasn't familiar with. So, when Lauren and Vince scurried off to "take care of the dog", I wasn't suspicious. I was out there by myself for a moment, thinking about how perfect the night was out there. I took this picture and posted it on Instagram, right before Ben came outside-
Just as I was admiring the moment, and the scenery, Ben came outside, said some sweet things and I told him I would give up truffle-mac-and-cheese (from Prime 112, where we were about to go) for him. Luckily I was feeling nice and sweet too, because a bad mood really could have jacked up the situation. He told me he was going to give me a birthday massage. He stood behind me as I was sitting there.
At this point, I think he was freaking out a little. He was trying to massage my shoulders with one hand and struggling to get the ring box out of his jacket with the other.
To be honest, the rest is a bit of a blur - it feels like the next thing I knew, there was a ring there and he was asking me to marry him. I know what he said because I have made him repeat it a time or two since then - but the first thing I really remember him saying was "you never said yes". So, then I did. As soon as I came to (I feel like maybe I blacked out a little), I noticed Lauren hanging out the window snapping pictures and I realized at that point that they knew what was going on the whole time.
The Aftermath
It's funny when you wait so long for something - and then it happens - it never feels quite the way you had imagined. I basically felt like I was actually in a dream (frankly, I had had hundreds of engagement dreams by this point anyway). At some point during dinner, it kind of sunk in and I started telling pretty much any random person that would listen.
The truth is, as much as we discussed it and planned for it and I had obviously looked forward to it, a part of me never imagined it actually happening. You really only have to look at the words I wrote a few months before meeting Ben ("None of this is to say that I am anti-marriage -- some day, I may overcome my issues, and at some point, some man may accept all of my... issues. And it will be very, very beautiful.") to understand how I feel about it right now. The truth is, it is very very beautiful.
Such a wonderful story Lori!! Seriously so happy for you. And your hair looks great in all the pics by the way :)
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