Just a bump in the road...

After a solid four days of 2013 with an incredibly (and uncharacteristically) optimistic attitude, I hit a road block... on day five of the year.  I woke up at 6:30 this morning with no issue, went to Publix at 7 AM (and, as a side note, realized that a whole world exists of people who grocery shop on Saturday mornings at that hour - and it was kind of nice), got bananas and milk for Day Four of the cleanse and headed on to Maitland to take my GRE.  After a brief, heart-dropping-into-stomach moment of panic when I thought I had lost my wallet at Publix, I found it under the passenger seat of the car and headed inside.  Then, as I stood in front of a throng of gawking strangers, I was denied entrance to the exam because I accidentally registered as "Lori", when my ID says "Loriann".

At that point, I had nothing to do but go back to my car and try to see the light, which may be that I have more time to prepare -- but as I drove home, I stewed, thinking of the $175 fee that undoubtedly they will steal and make me re-pay -- and then realized that I cannot re-register until February -- and I was driving in towards downtown O-town pretty bummed.  As I fantasized about crawling back into bed with Ben and Ollie, I realized that sleeping beauty (Ben) had kept my keys so he could get around while I was at the test... and would not answer his phone.

My bumm-age multiplied as minutes turned to hours and I sat alone (and looking a hot mess in my "test-taking comfy clothes") at Starbucks, which turned into a shopping trip to Target.  Eventually, as I was driving home, intent upon just knocking on the door or perhaps even kicking it down, Ben woke up and I arrived at home intact.

As we sat there discussing my morning, I became increasingly depressed - I feel there are so many obstacles to changing my future this year that I can barely cope - so this one small road bump seemed like so much more than that.  I began to fear that it was a sign that maybe this was all wrong.  And, while we were trying to decide how to spend my now-totally-free day, all of the things that came to mind involved some food and some drink.  And, as usual, my moment of self-pity almost turned into a moment of self-indulgence as I considered just giving up the cleanse and giving in to food and booze.

I am accustomed to making big plans for myself and for my life -- and, of course, as much as anyone else -- am also used to roadblocks on the way to these plans.  Typically, at the first sign of failure or first  shiver of doubt, I abandon ship.  And, here I was, wanting to slide back into my old ways (and so soon), like a comfy pair of sweatpants.  This is exactly the habit I'm trying to kick.

Ultimately, we settled on taking Ollie to the dog park, which was great -- beautiful day, and of course Ollie had fun and is all worn-out (like most dogs, that's when he's at his best).  Then we watched the Bengals lose their play-off game, which, just like that old pair of sweatpants, felt a little too familiar.

And, for Day Four of the cleanse update... the website said I would stop having cravings today and that really was true.  I was able to sit in front of Ben and his friends as they ate chicken wings and not even feel tempted.  I was allowed eight bananas and didn't even feel like eating all of them.  I did cheat and have two vodka/water/lime drinks, although they were sandwiched in between about 8 glasses of water.  Ultimately, it made me feel weird -- and I came home, had two bananas, and felt like going to bed.

Hoping for a better day tomorrow~!